Guys have committment issues. Period.
No matter how many times he tells you he loves you he will hesitate more times at the thought of marriage than a girl would. I'm sure there's a scientific explanation for it all but trust me, from a guy's perspective this is an irrefutable truth.
But just like in everything there are those unlike the norm and that do not jump on the bandwagon of the 'marriage / commitment scare.' So why then are some men scared?? As a good friend of mine told me one night as we headed to his car with his fiancee only a half a meter away from us, men are scared because, "... well, it's forever." Because it is forever. Forever.... The word has a universal meaning in any dictionary you pick up, but the interpretation of the word is very, very different.
Forever to a girl implies a fairy tale ending - a Cinderella, Snow White, knight in shining armor saving the damsel in distress from the big bad dragon and living happily ever after kind of forever...
Most guy's Forever is not so vivid and clear. We see a whirlpool, a bottom-less well, a pitch-black room, an unknown, a life sentence where our hands and legs are chained and every girl that passes by is someone that we shoulda, coulda, woulda had we not cornered ourselves to Forever...
It sounds extreme but the fact of the matter is I've lived long enough (thank God) to see and hear what guys really think and feel. Again, there are those that are abberations from the norm, but I guarantee you some of the same thoughts and concerns/fears that I've pointed out above will exist in some way, shape or form in 100% of the guys out there - single, married, divorced or re-marrying. Period.
How do I know this? It's simple. Because that's what he really thinks....
Yours truly,
The Guy Friend
4 comments:
Dear Guy Friend,
You are so on the ball about how men think about commitment. But I still would say that I do know some guys that are in their early 20s and know what they want. Yes the social norm tells us that girls love their fairytale ending and men are the ones that take longer to grow up. But in all honesty, I think a lot has to do with the environment, your social circle and what is influencing you. I.e. if you lived out in the Midwest I guaranteed you will be married early vs living out on one of the coastal areas (NY or Cali). City life opens up an individual to more choices, making their priorities different verse someone who doesn't have the luxury of having choices. That being said, your view is from someone that is from a city life. Am I correct? Given that I would disagree with your view on "Forever". Yes for a guy forever is a HUGE commitment but it's the same for a girl. How is it any different? It's two people making a commitment grow old with each other..till death do us part...I think it has to do with two people seeing eye to eye on the same issues and growing up in the same social environment. Is that not true?
To Nomad,
I think you bring up some good points. We are all after all a product of our environment and because of that our ideas of what is the norm and what is the proper behavior depends on what we grow up to see and are accustomed to. So how best to answer your arguments on city life versus midwest life?? I think we need to try to go then to the root of our intents. So away from city life and away from the midwest life, assume for a second that we put one guy in a vacuum. And in this same vacuum is a girl. No one else. Just a one guy and one girl (midwest). Also assume that both are at least pleasant to look at. If this is all the life these two know then yes the ideals of living happily ever after can hold. They have one common goal - each other and the vacuum they live in. Spice up that same vacuum and add one more girl, fuk it, make it 10 girls (citylife). The chances of that one guy in that vacuum going bonkers is 100%. Why?? It's natural instinct. Ever hear of polygamy?? Polygamy happened before monogamy. Just as everyone is a product of their surroundings the undertone to that rule is that the availabilty of options leads to our natural instinct to try choose the best mate. This is Darwin's theory of natural selection - the survival of the fittest. Guys fear committment because the availability of options leads to choices that may or may not (in our minds) be better than what we already have.
The same ability to want to choose when given options of course holds true for girls as well. I don't have the answer to it, but just look around you. There are more heart-broken girls than there are heart-broken guys. Is it because guys have a higher level of passivity about relationships? Testosterone maybe? But I think empirical evidence will prove that for some reason or other guys are less willing to commit to a relationship than are girls? Not sure why. That's up to the scientists to explore. But the fact remains guys fear relationships more than girls.
Hope this helps.
Dear Guy Friend,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It's always good to hear how guys really feel deep down inside. Looking forward to more posts from you!
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